So we've made it to the end of another year, mostly intact. Like many others this has been a rough year for me. One of the things that has gotten me through has been writing poetry. Some of this was from experiences this year, and some from past issues I've been "processing". I don't usually title my poems, so I'll just put each one in it's own paragraph. Enjoy.
I entered the forest at dawn
The trees still quietly dripping
from last nights rain.
The earth greedily drinking
the moisture, releasing lush smells
of spring and renewal.
There was fog-
Stilling the air like
an indrawn breath,
A lover waiting to exhale
At the touch of the Beloved,
The first kiss of the morning.
You never held me
As tenderly as I imagined,
As the Beloved holds me now.
It's me who holds you
I need only open my hands
to be free.
But you would fall,
the fire consume you.
I wanted to be your light
Never knowing how much
You loved the darkness.
I'm torn by this hunger
this need to be near you
Frustration, disapointment, anger,
none of it changes this connection.
I'm like a fish on a line-
And though I keep struggling,
Wanting my freedom
I can't shut you out
And the biggest irony is
You're not trying to get in.
I guess I could accept
your not wanting me easier
If I could only not want you
Back.
Wow. After reading that over it may seem like I had a pretty awful year. And it really wasn't, or large parts of it weren't anyway. I guess I just have a gift for channeling angst. That seems to be where my poetry mostly goes. So, no pretty rhymes about roses for me. That's okay, I'm easily bored by cute anyway.
In fact,I've never fit into a neat, easily labeled package, and I think that's the case for many others. I also think a good number of those people go around quietly hoping no one notices what freaks they are. Thinking they are in some weird minority that no one wants to have any contact with. When really, the freaks probably outnumber the "normals". And I guess that is partly true, unfortunately. The not wanting to have contact with freaks part I mean. People as a general rule do seem to be uncomfortable with "different". But I just want to say, I like different! I like weird! I even on occasion like freaky! And I hope everyone, normal or freaky, finds a way to get themselves through another year. Happy New Year!
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These poems are wonderful. The honesty and sense of emotion are captured very well as you weave together words and images from nature.
ReplyDeleteI share your desire to exist with those who live on the fringe of society as there appear to be more depth to their being and, quite honestly, normal people are rather boring and predictable. We need to be more organic in our being and less conformist and constricted by our culture of consumerism which has lead to the dissolving of community and genuine interaction.
I hope that you keep writing. Angst - and suffering in general - is a part of the human condition that we all need to accept and embrace. It's what kindles passion and what truly allows us to gather that sense of being alive as opposed to simply existing to exist. The wanting in your writing shows how such feelings that seem to be eating us up inside can become beautiful, even if there are never truly realised.