Right Speech?

So, a friend and I had a misunderstanding of words the other day, which got me thinking about the concept of right speech. Now "right speech" is the Buddhist way of talking about what you say. Unfortunately, a lot of people seem to interpret this concept to mean they must only use nice, kind words when speaking to others. Or that they shouldn't say anything negative at all. Ever. I find these type of people tend to be passive-agressive and very frustrating to be around.

Then there is another type, who just never say what they actually mean. Instead, they use inuendo or other verbal gymnastics to say things but not have to own what they are saying. And when called on it they hastily claim to be "misunderstood".

What they seem to be missing in this concept is the idea of not just honesty but integrity in our speech. Where not only do we speak truthfuly, but also clearly and without ambiguity about what we mean. And in return we don't assume we "just know" what someone else meant by something they have said, but instead ask them if what we thought they meant was actually what they meant.

And yes, I know some would protest "but what about poetry or story telling?" Ambiguity has a place there! Which I would agree with. Words can be fun and stimulating things to play with. They can open our minds to all sorts of interesting possibilities.

But what is really served by using these tactics in our daily lives? Usually we are just protecting ourselves in some fashion. Afraid of being judged or ridiculed or having someone be angry with us. So instead we end up with all sorts of assumptions and hurt feelings and misunderstandings, which is really messier and harder to untangle.

What we could have instead is real freedom in our speech. Not having to worry about how to "put" somthing to get what we want, or avoid what we don't want. And not getting blindsided by someone elses' interpretation of what we said. What it takes though is courage. Being willing to open up your actual thoughts and feelings to possible criticism. It's a great willpower booster. And if more people tried it, imagine how many politicians and lawyers we could get rid of!